have you ever question yourself..
"how well do I know myself?"
i've always been questioning myself with this same question..
over and over again..
somehow..
i can never get a definite answer..
its like..
one time, u know who you are..
you know what you are...
then the next time you know it..
you're questioning yourself again..
doubting youself..
i used to know myself as the egoistic guy..
sometimes i let ego stand in my way..
and for that..
i miss out alot of opportunities to experience life..
today, i am who i am..
i am a person..
who is not affected by egos/egoes?.. by ego..
i dun give a shit of what ppl think of me..
or how they view me before even knowing me..
thats what they wanna view me as..
thats what they wanna do..
so be it..
i'm just gonna live my life as it is..
in the past, i talk alot..
i say whatever i wanna say..
and during that time..
i have to say that i have regreted..
regreted on things that i have said..
cause, some ppl may just not be able to take it..
what i say doesnt offend them..
its just tat..maybe they're not used to ppl being so direct?
i dont know..........
and for that, i may have offended some ppl too....
thats y i try not to talk too much...
like..
just say things that i can share..
u know like..
in general stuff..
rather be quiet and just go with the flow..
if someone plans something..i'm just gonna go ahead and follow it..
not gonna ask "why" or suggest..
just gonna go with it..
maybe i'd ask some questions..
just to be abit familiar with the plans made..
thats all my intentions are..
but..
why is it when i dun say anything..
i mean...when i dun talk about anything..
and i just go with whatever is brought on the table..
i still feel i've offended some ppl..
and in this blog..
i felt that i have offended ...
some very important ppl in my life..
i would never think of anything ..
that could ever jeopardize this friendship..
what have i done? and what should i do now?
if i just continue to chat like normal..
would i be seen as being ignorant?
if i just stay in my room...
not thinking about this..
what kind of person would i be viewed as?
right now..
either way..
i'm in a lose lose situation..
thats y..
i am here...writing this..
hoping someone out there..
who have been in my shoes..
could help me..
share some opinions and advices with me..
i really need some advice on how to deal with this..
i've been in this boat before a couple of years back..
and that didnt turn out well at all..
i do not want 2007 to repeat itself..
what could i possibly do..to not piss anyone off??
anyone..i need help..ASAP !!!
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some honest thoughts. someone left ur blog hanging in my browser so I thought i might comment.
ReplyDeleteDoubting yourself is normal.
Its good that you recognise that you have an ego. Most guys let egos get in the way of them too much. care too much about winning.
But perhaps egos are a part of who guys are and they cannot change.
When you say you "don't give a shit about what others think ", i think you contradict yourself later by saying "what kind of person will i be viewed as?"
Seems like every turn you make will always be wrong in ppl's eyes.
from my point of view you need to learn to accept who you really are, who are you going to be defined as. are you ur own man? do u regret yor own actions because of your conscience, or because of how everyone reacts to your actions?
the main thing is, you have to know people always will have all kinds of problems and opinions. If you constantly worry about what they think, and try to change yourself to suit others, you will fail, plus you will lose your sense of identity.
and nobody respects a person who can't accept themselves.
hmm...
ReplyDeletefirst of all, thanks for ur view on this..
read it and gave it some thought..
but sometimes..
dont you think not everybody think this way?
i mean..
msot ppl wuold only see us as how we are by the way we treat them..
"if u're nice to me, and our frenship could be beneficial..then u're a good person to be around with..
if u're not really significant, and i dun see how ur frenship would benefit me...then wads d point?"
wouldnt most ppl think of it this way?
i agree of me must having my own identity and all that..
but sometimes its hard to do so..
this thought sometimes get swayed to trying to suit myself to others..
me being afraid of ppl not able to accept who i am..especially frens who i've only known for a year or 2..
honestly, i may not have the most approachable, welcoming look..
this may wad make frens feel i've put up this barrier between me and my frens..
I HAVE NOT !!
maybe knowing this, i try to make myself a lil more approachable by trying to suit my frens more?
juz a thought